The final votes are in for construction of the Lineup of the Damned. I received more visits and comments on this post than on any other blog I’ve done, and I’ve been blogging for a few years now. I guess my groveling to DanUp for a link paid off.
Anyway, I received many varied responses, enough for a 25-man Roster of the Damned. But only a handful of players got as many as two nominations. Those that did I tended to leave in the “starting lineup,” unless an overriding factor, such as my own dislike of a player, led me to choose someone else. My blog and all.
So without further delay, I bring you…
The Lineup of the Damned
C: Gary Carter. He was one of the few to get two votes. One poster nominated Barry Lyons, to whom I gave serious consideration, given his destruction of John Tudor’s career with the Cardinals. But Carter’s douchiness trumps.
1B: Hee Seop Choi. Big Choi’s collision with Scott Rolen turned Rolen’s fragile shoulder into dust. With Cardinals fans, this is unforgiveable. Bill Buckner also was nominated for, among other reasons, always throwing his bat. I recall making fun of Buckner as a little kid very that very thing.
2B: Wally Backman. The only other vote for a full-time second baseman was for Tony Womack, and he gets the benefit of the doubt one gives to Old Friends. That, and Backman knows how to make friends and impress people.
3B: Alex Rodriguez. No explanation necessary.
SS: Alex Cintron. Another player Cardinals fans can’t forgive. Lest you forget, Cintron’s the one whose collision with Rolen during the 2002 NLDS knocked Rolen out of the rest of the playoffs.
OF: Kenny Lofton. Of course.
OF: Jeffrey Leonard. Ol’ Penitentiary Face got two votes. Plus, he goes by “Jeffrey,” and only douchebags and giraffes go by Jeffrey.
OF: Juan Encarnacion. While others (Carlos Beltran, Darryl Strawberry) got two votes and the fact that I have no specific problem with Instant Breakfast, he gets the nod solely on the basis of the comment nominating him:
While I cannot wish a foul ball to hit anyone at all, if it were any Cardinal, He would be my choice.
Delightfully misanthropic.
DH: Barry Bonds. Duh.
P: Jason Marquis. Another obvious choice for Cardinals fans. He sucks so bad that even Tony La Russa would give the hated Anthony Reyes postseason innings before Marquis.
P: Kenny Rogers. Two words: He’s a cheater.
P: Jose Lima. Not a lot of love for Lima Time and all his ridiculous showboating. His wife has an enormous rack, though.
P: Brandon Backe. For someone who sucks so bad, he sure is cocky. Maybe his name should be Brandon Sucky. BURN!
P: Carlos Villanueva. Taunted the Cardinals bench during a game last season, which made Albert Pujols angry. It’s usually not a good idea to make Albert angry.
Manager: Dusty Baker. I hear Baker got Adam Dunn traded from Cincinnati because Dunn “clogged up the bases” with all those walks.
Umpire: Don Denkinger. Personally, I’ve forgiven the man. But I don’t judge those who haven’t.
Announcer: Matt Vasgersian. Apparently, he’s not a fan of St. Louis.
Stadium: Minute Maid Park. That building is offensive on so many levels.
BONUS: If you can tell me the source of the post title, you win 10 Internet points.
3 responses so far ↓
sepurkett // January 10, 2009 at 10:03 am
Awesome! Can’t argue with any of them. But no DH? ‘Cause the lineup of the damned should surely be AL, right?
Your former neighbor // January 10, 2009 at 10:15 am
I forgot about Brandon Backe. Good call.
Through the miracle of Google, I can say with authority that your post title comes from Public Enemy. Where can I redeem my 10 Internet points?
Jeff // January 10, 2009 at 11:41 am
Dude, I totally forgot about the loathsome DH. I’ll add it.
YFN: You can redeem your 10 Internet points at tracksideview.com.